I wore: An orange strapless dress. Cotton. Hugs the body in the right places. Belted. And this shoes I have that are like a pattern to them with like some greenish, orange flavors. My honey wore  a polite outfit as well. First, can we just talk about how my feet are shrinking or something? I used to wear a 7.5 or an 8 and now all of my shoes slide the hell off. It’s unfortunate. I digress.

We all arrive. We hug. We hello. We order aps. We pop the wine open. We pour. We drink. We yum. We talk.

The talk mainly involved undergraduate studies, graduate studies and work. I dont like to talk about any of these things. Undergraduate is so far gone. Graduate studies are really nothing to talk about…well maybe when I first started I talked about it. Work…well I’m out trying to luxuriate in copious amounts of vino….I dont want to talk business with friends. I chimed in here and there though. I can go with the flow, unless I’m in a mood or with people who I don’t want to be with. But each the dinner people I love and adore. They make me smile.

Enter the honey. He talks, but is quiet around people he doesn’t really know like that. Around his friends…he’s Mr. Chatty. Our friends are different. I think. I’m quiet around his friends. I find myself wondering what to say. It’s my own thing though because I can talk to them about the same things I would talk to my friends about…I think. Anyway everyone in attendance noticed that he was super quiet. He was talking to me and my former roommate (he sees her often, but he went to high school with the two guys). Anyway I hear whispers of why is he so quiet…does he not really want to be here…the next day and the following week.

He was there to make me happy, but if he had his choice…I don’t think the situation was really his cup of tea. In fact, I know it wasn’t because when I told him that everyone wanted to meet up again..his face and body language were like uhhh why. His comment was that all they talked about was school.

I agree.

And it makes me wonder. At what point do we stop talking about school? Is that a forever thing? Or like do we go from talking about school to talking about babies once we have babies? I don’t want to talk about babies…that I know. But talking about school for hours is a headache. I mean how many times can you ask someone their undergrad major, their grad school major and whether they work and go to school at the same time. Ask those on your own time. I’d rather discuss current issues or the sexiness that is TJ Holmes. I might even talk business IF we’re throwing clients to each other. Perhaps he found the dinner stuffy or pretentious…I dunno…but I do know that dinnering with those folks again is really important to me. How do you do it…like incorporate your honey with your friends? Is it easy? Or do other people have the same situation but no one wants to talk about it?

But let’s discuss my most recent run-in with a married woman.

At my dad’s church. There’s this woman. She’s cute. Has three kids. Had two, but got preggers again. She’s prob early 30s. I think she’s adorable. I’d love nothing more than to have tea with her and discuss how she manages to take care of 3 babies and run a household. I’m intrigued.

Enter her husband. He has an eye problem. He does not know that if he is with his wife (or in church for that matter) he needs to flip the switch on the wandering eyes. I met him before her. I did not know he was married, engaged or with children. He never mentioned any of the above or acted as any of the above were factors in his life. So I smile, say hello, engage in small talk. The end.

One day, I’m small talking with him and SHE comes over  and introduces herself as his wife. Fine. How do you do lovely lady….nice to meet you. No reply. In fact, I have been to this church more than a dozen times afterwards and spoke to her at least twice each time only to get no hello back. What the hell. My honey even came to church with me and I presented him to her mother-in-law (who I love and who loves me) in front of her as a peace offering like look lady….I have a him person…I am not worried about your husband, I promise. I do not roll like that. So I thought surely after that we’d be besties. No bueno. I mean I literally stand right in her face and say hello and she will whip her head the other way.

Dude. It’s not that serious. How are you going to act so stank in the house of the Lord? I suppose she thinks I was pushing up on her husband but like seriously…isn’t that a matter you take up with your husband and not me? Get a grip. I am not tacky…I do not push up on men when I’m trying to get my praise on. Amen.

In my dreams.

Things are moving fast…so fast in fact that I cannot keep up most day…which leads me to stare at the wall for at least 20 minutes a day repeating the following…

Really? Really? That’s what’s up.

Only, I never really know what’s up. I have only touched that iPad on about seven occasions, one of which I read Kelly Cutrone’s book about going outside to cry. Kudos to you for turning your life into the sparkling glittery shit it is today. The book is dope, although I was looking for some hard hitting chick get your act straight advice. She’s on some holy worshiping Goddesses type of light me a candle and meditate stuff. Not judging. I’m into that, however, title your book accordingly. Fabulosity by Kimora Lee Simmons (if you are cringing at the mention of her name….you do not need to read my blog…she is my everything) is the best girl go get you a piece of this world and be fab ever. I also download, “The Wealthy Freelancer.” Decent. Real decent. If you write or do anything really…read it. I also downloaded something by Freud…it was free and I used to dig reading his stuff way back when I was a wee Miranda.

The Honey got the puppy a costume for Halloween. I’m impressed. He even like ordered it online…like it was some calculated though into the whole ordering thing. He’s gonna be a pumpkin….he looks too cute. I’ll take a picture and post it….like on Halloween. Do people discriminate? Can I take him trick-or-treating? But like only knock on the doors of those people who I know have dogs? If you have dogs, you must have treats. Winston adores treats. But don’t try and give my baby anything that’s pork. He will NOT nibble on pig ears or Beggin’ Strips <—- they’re totally pork and no one can tell me any different. I barely want him to eat beef…but someone buys him beef…oh and lamb (it just seems wrong for him to eat lamb…his fav toy is a lamb…sigh).

I have clients. See that “s”. Embrace it for me and pray to whatever you pray to that I keep getting clientsssss. Newest additions….a construction company (yeah, that’s right…it’s not all peaches and roses over here…I can get dirty too), a natural hair salon and a smoothie-ish franchise in SF. I want to move to SF just to gulp down every piece of yummy goodness this place sells. I mean they need to send me a sample via messenger. I’d be ever so thrilled.

I lost weight….not from working out though…stress is a hell of a diet pill.  And the weight loss is fly, not sickly. Win.

Co-working. It’s lonely working all alone with just Winston. He sleeps like the whole day….gets up randomly and comes to me so I can rub him…then he goes into the closet, nuzzles into his sleeping bag and goes to sleep. He needs to learn to file things or take notes or make invoices. His cute can only get him so far in this lifetime. I have this idea to turn my home into a co-working space. I mean not like with 98 people…lets face it….I don’t want a whole bunch of randoms in my house….but myself and like 2 or 3 other people. Win. This will entail reworking my office. I guess I don’t need to have two book shelves and perhaps using the side of one wall to line my shoes is not necessary. I can fit two desks on one side, two on the other and put a white board on wall by the door. Need to make modifications to the living room to make it look more like a meeting space (Winston’s tent is in the and we have a futon because we’re both to wrapped up in our stuff to actually be responsible and get a couch. My co-working space needs a couch and two side chairs, and a small table and a vintage telephone. Who needs caller id. And fresh flowers. My co-working space = bed and breakfast type intimate set up. I will offer tea on my good dishes…the lovely clear mugs and saucers that I love to pieces. Anyway, I’m trying to figure out whether it’s a good idea. I should probably run it by the honey….however…my thought is this…hours 9am to 6 pm….he’s usually not home around those hours anyways. It’s like entrepreneur daycare, but I don’t have to babysit…..just provide space and tea…for a fee…and snacks. If I win the lottery (i’m blowing this joint and heading to new york) I want to buy a building to create a fabulous, lovely co-working space. I mean it. And on the lower level of the coworking space will be a…

I can’t give that away. But yeah, I’d love to share my office with a designer or writer a someone.

Today’s outfit: a bra and cut off shorts. I mean I just have not even tried to put together a cohesive outfit since I went to church with my dad last Sunday. He asked me to go via facebook. Yeah, my dad is on Facebook. He typed on his wall “Meet me at church. **** are you with me?” As if I really ever had a choice. Hmmph.

Maybe the tears were because Simon was nice to her. Maybe the tears because to see a 16 year old have the courage to stand in front of judges and an audience and do a song did it…or maybe it’s because she took that Souljah Boy song and classed it up a bit. Whatever the reason…just know that water works were in full effect.

:: hides face in shame and goes to watch the video again ::

As an exercise, the book suggests write down goals (will be another post) and to create a routine that works around your business. I love reading about other peoples’ routines, but each and every time I create a routine for myself…I don’t stick to it. Well, it’s a new day.

Monday – Friday Routine

6:00 a.m. Rise and Shine, Mama!

6:00 a.m. – 6:45 a.m. Brush teeth, wash face, quick breakfast and walk and feed the puppy

6:45 a.m. – 7:00 a.m. Check email, reply to important stuff…leave everything else for later

7:00 a.m. – 11:00 a.m. Work on client projects, maybe sneak in a 15-minute break to snuggle Winnie

11:00 a.m. – 11:30 a.m. Pre-workout snack or smoothie and puppy potty break

11:30 a.m. – 12:30 p.m. Work on my fitness! Attempt to feed Winnie lunch

12:30 p.m. – 1:00 p.m. Shower and get dressed for the day!

1:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m. Enjoy lunch, read my favorite professional/business blogs, check & reply to emails
This also gives me time to go out for lunch w/someone if I want.

2:00 p.m. – 3:30 p.m. Pitch clients, follow up on leads and work on other marketing activities for me
including daily blog post for SheLaunched.

3:30 p.m. – 5:00 p.m. Finish client work, Winnie potty time

5:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m. Make dinner and do some light cleaning around the house while watching Wendy
Kiss the honey, inquire about his day, feed Winston dinner

8:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. Dinner and talk time with the honey and Winnie

9:00 p.m. – 9:30 p.m. Shower/bath time!

9:30 p.m. – 10:00 p.m. Check email, make to-do list for the next day, puppy potty

10:00 p.m. Read, watch television, stare at the walls, talk to the honey about my nails

11:00 p.m. Bedtime (this never happens at this time though..usually happens at 11:30/12)

Looking at this makes me soooo exhausted.

But I was pleased on Friday to discover that someone had been hiding a huge secret from me. I work from home, we’ve been through this, so I’m either sitting in my office in the most boring chair imaginable trying not to slouch, in bed with the laptop and the covers slightly covering my feet or laying in the middle of the hall with a puppy on my back. Typical work day. During the course of the day, I consume many many many glasses of delicious water. We have the best water and I don’t mind bragging about it. It’s like gourmet, faucet water. We had a filter but it stopped working and I’m just not all that sure that it was really working anyway. And the way I see it, I put that shower water on me with no filter and that’s getting all up in my skin anyways, so I may as well just drink it. Plus that filter thing is BULKY and one time, and attacked me. Like it just fell the hell off…like for no reason and the water was splashing all up in my face. Pissed.

Anyway so I drink water all day (trust me this will all make sense in a minute, hang in there, you can do it). So, it was a normal Friday…I was working, dreaming of a nap later and some delicious dinner. I talk to the honey on gchat while he’s at work. So around 3 p.m. he goes “well, since it’s 3 p.m. and you still haven’t found it yet….i got you something…it’s in the house…go FIND IT.” Instantly, my mouth starts watering because I’m like oh, yum…he secured me a delicious treat from the supermarket and hid it for me. So I asked him where to look…no response. I look upstairs…well I spun around in the bedroom…didnt’ see anything and I wasn’t about to start randomly moving stuff about. I went in the bathroom, looked around a bit. Nothing. Went and sat in the middle of the living room and looked around. Nothing. Then, I ventured towards the dining room. By this point, I’m planning out the type of treat he got me…I thought he got those delicious 1/2 fruit candy things the Giant has. I look on the dining room table, then I go in the fridge and start looking around. At this point, I’m moving stuff everywhere. Nothing but I was reminded of the tasty guacamole from the day before. I digress. I literally stood in the middle of the kitchen like if I were him where would I hide something for me. Of course! The cup cabinet. The cup cabinet that I usually go in a lot because for each cup of water I drink, I end up getting a new cup. It’s sick. I know. Who does that? I know. But here’s the thing….sometime I finish my water, then I have to walk the dog and then when I come back I’m like oh I need water….but it’s just a lot to come all the way upstairs to get the cup I had just to come back down and pour water. So I just get another cup. Yeah, yeah, yeah…at least I’m not tossing paper cups right and left. So I go over to the cup cabinet. I see…

A delicious bag from the Apple Store with the words “Happy Friday Mwah” written on the bag. So I started crying. I mean streaming tears of joy. I didn’t even open the bag because I knew what it was. Oh, iPad…I mean oh, honey you’re so sweet. Such a surprise and such a thoughtful gift. I plan to spend the rest of the weekend reading this great ebook I downloaded. I’m highlighting, book marking and making notes left and right.

Enjoy your holiday weekend!

While I totally understand why people make their connections password protected, call my naive, but in my delightful little world….if you have internet, keep open and free. Up until about a week ago, I was the only person in my neighborhood with the use me, take advantage of me internet setup….now another neighbor is on team free….he even labeled his connection “freeinternet”. And well since he was borrowing our internet for the longest time (oh yes, I do realize that when you come outside with your laptop, you’re using my connection) it’s only fair that he give back to others.

Anyone else unsecured? Power to the freeness…until something happens to my computer…I may sing another tune, but until then my heart feels happy sharing.

Start judging me now.

I’m taking a bubble bath. Yes, it’s true I’m currently luxuriating in a bath tub filled with this cheap ass bubble bath I scored from my mom’s house. I literally had to pour half of the 25 fl oz container into the tub to get the five bubbles I see floating around in here. And it makes me itch. This is my second time using it, yes the bottle is gone now…your math is correct. The first time I thought I was going to scratch my skin off, but even itching did not stop me from enjoying my time in the water. Itching didn’t stop me then and it won’t stop me today.

While describing my bubble bath routine to a friend, I realized that I may have issues. I grab my laptop (because if I’m away from it, I’ll miss something exciting), carefully wipe off the sink to ensure that there’s no water or leftover toothpaste or random man hairs hanging out (yes love, it is I who wipes the hairs away that you leave dancing on the sink after you shave, it’s not the magic cleaning fairies). I check the faucet to make sure there’s no water coming out. Then, I ever so gently sit my laptop on the edge of the sink. I run my water….all hot water. Two birds…one stone…gotta release the toxins. Then I find Winston, who is usually chilling in the office, laying on the bottom shelf of the bookcase all snuggled on a toy. I tell him “bathroom” he runs in and curls up on the floor. I grab his water bowl, I grab a treat (sometimes) and at least one toy. You see, there’s something wrong about locking my darling puppy out of the bathroom if he and I are the only two home. I feel bad and start thinking he must be lonely out there without me. So I let him in and lock the door behind us.

Yes I shut and lock the door for bubble baths because I don’t need HIM* coming in the house, realizing I’m in the bath tub and then saying, “Ohhhh look at you..you’re naked” and then proceeding to violate my body while I’m trying to enjoy the water without being fondled.

Anyway, he’s such a good puppy…he just cuddles on the floor and sleeps or he’ll squeak his toy about for a little. Today though, he decided that it’d be a good idea to stand on his back legs and put his paws up on the side of the tub. He knows better that to be a disturbance while I’m luxuriating, so I’m not entirely sure what got into him.

*him = the honey

I have big hopes to be able to blog for both sites, but we both already know how that’s gonna end. I need more time, lots and lots of time. Don’t we all.

xoxo

Last night, I spent enjoyed a couple glasses of wine, drank them quickly to catch that la la land feeling drunk feeling cheap wine gives you when consumed in just the right quantity and at just the right frequency. When I drink, it’s the only time I really allow myself to feel a little out of control. It’s a great release…on occasion because quite frankly, who needs to feel all free and wild all the time.

I don’t know if it was the wine, the not getting held after sex or the brewing, {potentially irrational} suspicions in my mind that led me to sit on the toilet with my face in palms…tissue in hand….tears in lap. I mean my lap was drenched. I rarely used the tissue to wipe a thing…I just had it for safe keeping or something. I cried for about an hour, washed my face and came back to bed sure that I was done with the water works. I prefer my crying alone where there’s no one to say “are you ok?” or offer me tissue or try to hold me. But I climbed back into bed and wouldn’t you know…those little bastard tears came back and in full effect. I mean I was sniffling like someone stole Winston.

And he of course realized I was crying and asked why. It’s never really easy to communicate my feelings when I have snot running down the front of my face. I just don’t really feel in position to have a conversation….like with a real person. I feel too vulnerable to talk. He instantly blamed himself for my tears and of course, I said no. And I think he believed me, or at least he knows me well enough to just leave it alone.

:: enter tears ::

It wasn’t the non-holding. Frankly, he holds me too tightly some nights and I squirm away. I love that he holds me, most often without me having to ask. But I’m emotionally needy lately and I’m not so sure he’s picking up on it. Yes, I expect him to say “Oh, she seems rather emotionally needy lately.” And then I want him to pull a rabbit out of his fitted hat or do some circus trick to make me feel emotionally stable again. He’s part of the reason my chi is rocking and rolling. And I still haven’t bled. Yes, my period has not made an appearance since April. My moods are all over the place. I cry for no reason. My breasts hurt. My appetite is a fucking mess. I mean one night I ordered buffalo wings at 10 pm. That’s not normal for me. It was a week night. I’ve been told by friends to pee on a stick, but I know it’s not that. I had this problem before….months and months after coming off birth control. That’s why I’m not on birth control now…we believe in the power of latex. I mean there’s a whole lot of praying on my part..because things happen…but I call myself doing my body a favor (well, my doctor made me) sans le birth control only for it to brutally stab me in the back. How dare my period just randomly decide not to show up? That’s stank. I think it has something to do with me saying I don’t want kids…so it’s all…oh I’ll fix you.

And now I’m off to make chicken tartlets, chicken piccata and some type of yummy noodles.

xoxo